Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Vancouver Away

    On this coming Saturday, after a morning watching my daughter play in her U10 soccer game, and coaching my son's U7 team, my wife and I will jump into the car and begin our trip to Vancouver, British Columbia.  No kids,  no plans (other than supporting our Timbers as they win the Cascadia Cup), and no worries... unless you are one to worry about what things may keep you from getting across the Canadian border.  I've heard of crazy things.  That curfew violation from when I was 17 (the gun wasn't in MY hands mr. Mounty sir), the Minor in Possession of Alcohol charge when I was 18 (received while camping, of all things - thank you very much Jenny Rubish for telling the police where you were headed when you were caught on the way there), the underground porn (I watched and/or starred in), the impure thoughts I've had (see previous underground porn reference) and still have occassionally (pronounced "hourly"), or the way that I sometimes call Little People.... "midgets".  Any number of wierd things can keep you out of Canada, but reeeeaaaalllly.... it's not like I'm going to attack Canada or try to take it over.  No "Occupy Canada" here... They have nothing I want.  I don't understand why they would be scared, except they are, after all, halfway French.  Being gun-shy may just be in their blood.
     I must apologize to all of the other Timbers fans, my TA brethern, for I may be at fault for our loss in Shittle.  You see... I wasn't able to make it to the game.  I often refer to the Timbers as MY team, and they must've gotten the memo, because with a couple of own goals (bull SHIT if I give that one to the rapist - #nomeansno) the team, knowing that my wife and I were travelling to watch #Vancouveraway (without the kids), made sure that I could be present when we won the Cascadia Cup.  They WANT me to be able to help celebrate the victory in a foreign country.  I'm sorry fellas... but I will accept the responsibility for the Shittle loss.  I refuse to believe that the loss was an accident, but rather was fate.  It was my team making sure that I could be present to bask in the glory when we win it this year.  People that scoff or grumble that I dare to use the word "glory" when talking about winning the cup in a season like 2012... shut up.  This is my little world, and I can pay attention to, forget about, or ignore whatever the hell I want to.  Positive vibes people.  Til I die.
     We'll make it in time on Saturday to see some live bands singing some TA music, and we'll sing along with them as loud as we can.  What?  Carry a tune you ask?  no.  But we'll sing loud and proud damnit.  Why?  Because we're gonna win the league (next year)!  After we win on Sunday, there will be the costume party to attend.  If you only knew.  So with my wee little frame, at costume parties, I have been a chipendale dancer (the Chris Farley version - look it up if you don't know it), a nacho libre wrestler (El Hematoma), and Alan from the Hangover (in his t-shirt and jockstrap).  So for Vancouveraway... what to wear, what to wear.  It may be cold (no ladies, not a PRE-excuse... just sayin').  Somebody has suggested Queens and Kings of Cascadia... I'm not sure yet... but I will have to figure something out.  It IS a foreign country after all, I should make it good.  Will Canadians (or my beloved CASCADIANS for that matter) be too offended if I went as a dark cloud and dropped Acid Rain?  Would I offend my brothers if I went as an ELF (member), or ALF?  Would I be the recipient of secret handshakes all night long if I did... and "special" brownies and cookies?  I don't know... but I'll have to figure out something good.
     I fully intend to make this one of the best times in my wife's and my lives,  and I hope that some of my rowdy friends are down to help me make it so.  I'll see you all in Vancouver... Rose City Til I Die!!

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