Thursday, February 6, 2014

PTFC Player Chant ideas

I've sat down and tried to figure out some chants that are relatively easy to remember and simple to sing.  Like me.... simple and easy.  I tried to keep it to something the whole north end could sing together.... but these are just ideas.  You can tell me if there's any winners or losers in here.... and I'm sure you will.

Will Johnson to chorus of "Just a Friend" by Biz Markie

Will Johnson YOU
You got what we ne-eed
We're here in the North End
Where you know you have your friends
Will Johnson yoooou
Got what we ne-eed
We're here in the North End
Where you know you have your friends

Mikey mo-money to tune of "Take Me Home, Country Roads" by John Denver

Mikey Mo
Take us home
From the back line
To the goal
Mikey Mo
Take us home
Score a goal
My Mikey mo

Diego Chara to the tune of "The Ants Go Marching One By One"
(Bastardized from a chant by Mike Perron)

Diego he wears white and green
Cha-RA Cha-RA
Diego he plays for our team
Cha-RA Cha-RA
Diego he wears white and green
He's rough and tough and lean and mean
Di-ego Cha-ra 
He wears white and green

Fernandez to chorus of "Stray Cat Strut" by the Stray Cats

Oooooooooh ooooooh oooooooh oooooh
Oooooooooh ooooooh oooooooh oooooh
There's La Gata strolling on the pitch
Oooooooooh ooooooh oooooooh oooooh
Giving all the goalkeepers reasons for fits
Oooooooooh ooooooh oooooooh oooooh
He scores all the goals like he don't care
He Struts right by with his nose in the air

He's La Gata (he's the TA's cat)
A Feline Casanova, (hey he's where it's at)
He gets love thrown at him in the North end
He scores his goals just as fast as he cannnnn

Urruti to the chorus of "Maggie Mae" by the Pietasters

There's a place where we all go
To watch footy when we feel low
Drink ourselves into a state
The Timbers Army won't be late

Urruti score us another goal
We need another goal
Take away our troubles bro
Urruti score us another goal
We need another goal
Take away our troubles bro

Frederic Piquionne to the chorus of "Daydream Believer" by the Monkees

Frede-ric Pi-quionne
We know you'll score a goal
You're a
Top level striker
And a 
Favorite at ho-o-o-ooooome
So cheers for Piquionne
We know you'll score a goal
Cuz We're proud you are a Timber
And a 
terror on the rooooooooad

Ka-lif Al-Hassan to tune of "Sweet Caroline" by Neil Diamond

Haaaaaaaandsss (do jazz hands)
Big Jazz haaaaands
Reaching uuuupppp (higher)
Touch the staaaarrrsss (even higher)
Touch the mooooooooooon (on tiptoes jazz hands stretched high)
KA-liiiiiiif Al-HASSAN 
bom bom bommmm (straight arm "clap clap clap" with the boms)
Jazz hands never looked so good
So good so good so good
bom bom bommmm ("clap clap clap" with the boms)
YOU've gotta earn that piece of woooood
(Repeat from top)

Darlington Nagbe to the tune of "The Gambler" by Kenny Rogers

You've gotta know when to hold it (when to hold it)
Know when to shoot it (when to shoot it)
know when to cross the ball and
Know when to run
So mister Daaarling-ton Nag-be
Take us to the
Top of the table
There'll be time enough for clappinnnn
when the Cup is won

Saturday, August 10, 2013

THE Miko meets PTFC


 It was Saturday... match day... Cascadia Cup day.  We were playing Vancouver at our home field... and yet... It wasn't what I was looking forward to the most on that day.  My brother Miko was arriving to visit that evening.
     My family had decided about a week before that we'd just sit in the 200 level... introduce Miko to the DBV, and let @MunchkinFunk teach him the chants in that gentle way that he does for all Noobs.  I mean, I do my part, but Ryan breaks it down pretty well.  Gate 3 was opening at 6 PM, and Miko wasn't landing in PDX until 5:15 PM.  There was no reason to take our usual place in line culture if we weren't going to participate in the early entry anyway.  It's not like Miko would have a wristband or anything.  But then @thehack333 talked to me at work about meeting him there... and the wheels in my head started turning.
     On Friday night my wife and I were discussing it and we had a plan.  The kids wanted to go early.  We could get in line and get wristbands... then I could leave to get Miko from the airport.  Joselyn and the kids would square away our 108 seats and we would join them as soon as we could get back and get in.  The kids could play their (now becoming traditional) pick up soccer games at Morrison and 18th, and Miko could get to experience the TA from section 108.

     The morning went as planned.  We arrived at about 9:30 AM and set up camp.  That's right, 9:30 AM on an 8:00 PM game day (and I was wristband 297).  This is the line culture that we participate in.

Some of us made trips for coffee, trips for McSomething-or-others, Pizza and beer at Hot Lips, and of course we passed the ball around.  The overcast sky cleared up, the temperature began to rise, and so did my excitement as it came closer and closer to time to go get Miko...
"The Brown Tornado".  

    THE Miko was a friend of mine from the Army.  He was finishing his short career when I was starting mine, and I bet we weren't even at Schofield Barracks together for a year.  It's one of those bonds though, that once made, will never be broken.  It started simply... he was old enough to buy me beer.  Now no matter the level of affinity I felt toward ANYBODY who would buy me beer when I was nineteen, I didn't call each of them my "brother".  He was from Los Angeles, California and I was from Los Albany, Oregon.  Quite the difference in culture.  I thought he was pretty crazy... he thought I was pretty crazy.  It worked.  We stayed in touch after he left and we've visited each other more than a handful of times in 20 years.  He came to Oregon for my wedding and I went to California for his (faux) graduation.  (It seems he was a credit short, so was able to walk twice... but I only made it to his first graduation party... the one where he didn't actually graduate).  I have a whole series of Miko stories... including why he's called "The Brown Tornado" (hint: it may have to do with a professional wrestling trial... or maybe a gangbang he participated in...) so stay tuned to find out.  He's a brother through and through and I couldn't wait to share the Timbers experience with him.
     I had arranged to receive a ticket from @Stephanzy106, and as we approached the wristband allocation spot at gate 3, my man showed up.  I want to thank him again for helping me out.  Since I live South of Portland and don't have to deal with PDX traffic, I wasn't sure how long it would take me to get my rig from Sunset Transit Center to PDX, then get Miko and I back to Jeld-Wen Field after he arrived.  I had heard that there were some issues with I-84.  I left at about 3:15 on the max from downtown to STC.  I was at the airport parking garage at 3:54.  His flight arrived a little early and he came through the gate at 5:10 PM, and we were at Hot Lips, sharing a pitcher and having pizza, before gate 3 opened at 6 PM.  It was amazing... We were in God's favor.  Things were going oh so right... I knew we were going to win.
     We managed to end up about five rows up in 108, toward the 107 aisle.  I pointed Sunday White out to him, and told him to do whatever she says.
His comment was "her armpits are so smooth.  I want to lick her armpits".  

I had told him on the way... this is one of the only times I'd ask him to be a lemming, and follow all of us over the cliff.  This cliff though, was a cliff that drops to soccer ecstasy.  You MUST sing.  You MUST use your arms and hands.  You MUST pour your soul out of your mouth.  Follow the Capos as they take you over the cliff.  I'm kind of an anti-lemming guy, as I know he is, but this is different.  At that moment, you must allow yourself to go with the masses.  I pointed out the scarves during the star spangled banner.  I pointed out the raised hands and forearms as we chanted "PT"-"FC".  I was so proud... and so happy to be able to share something this special with my brother that I don't get to spend nearly enough time with.
     You know how the story goes.  He went to the bathroom and bought a round of drinks.  While he was gone, Ryan Johnson scored.
When he returned.. smoke was still in the air.

It was shortly after that a VAN player scored too.  So what did I want to do?  I wanted to send him to the bathroom and beer run again... but no dice.  It ended as a tie.
     Miko pointed out that we always seem to hit the ground running, whether it's me visiting him or him coming to Oregon.  Whether it's me hearing about a show on the way to the airport to pick him up (and us ending up seeing Goldfinger downtown directly from the airport), or to us hitting the Downtown bar scene immediately on his arrival.  This time took the cake in my eyes.  Being able to bring him from the airport directly to a Timbers game, a Cascadia match at that, was the funnest and best thing so far.  I was able to introduce him to 20,000 of my closest friends, and I really appreciate how you guys accepted him in so readily.  Rose City Til I Die.

Saturday, March 9, 2013

Wristbands on Opening Day

First of all, I want to say that the wristband idea was a good idea.  I'm not sure if it was a recycled idea, an original, or what... but I believe that it helps.
     We all know that if you want to get an early wristband, you STILL have to get there plenty of time before the wristband window opens up.  Sometimes the "three hour window" (between 3 and 6 hours before kickoff) doesn't help in my "need for sleep" department but, it's doable if there's a need for me to be in a certain area of the 100s or front rows of 200's.
     On opening day this season vs New York, my daughter and I were in the wristband line at 7:15 AM and word was that the wristbands would go out some time between 10:30 AM and 1:30 PM.  Her brother and her had worked on their two-sticks and we needed to get to a place where people would see them.  It was to be the conclusion of our little family project... so we needed to get into the heart of the Army.
     I have sat in line several times before, but usually it's with an adult friend or two and involves half-hidden bottles of alcohol and a trip or two to Hot Lipps for Pizza and bathroom breaks.  This was the first time getting there early with Emma and letting her get this particular game-day experience.  Instead of the warmth of whiskey or fullness of beer, hot chocolate was in order and it was perfect.  We were by the bus stop on the corner of Jelly Wen, sitting in our chairs, and watching the pick-up soccer game that had developed.  Part of the time she was wrapped in her Timbers blanket, keeping warm while sitting there, and part of the time she was kicking the community soccer ball against the wall.  We passed the ball around a bit, and had an overall good time.
Some of the time Emma was wrapped nice an cozy in her blanket

Emma was able to play with another Little Timber
 Some of the time we were kicking the community ball around

The Palmerball retrieval team from the
pickup footy game

     One regret I have... she asked if she could join in with the pick-up footy that began, but everybody was a lot bigger than her, and I told her she should probably sit this one out... I should've let her play.  But I digress.  Good thing we'll have a few more of these down the road.

     So back to the wristbands.  As the day grew on, from breakfast time to brunch, the line began to swell.  It was visible, and to be expected.  In my opinion, there is a difference between a person walking up to join their partner in line, and a group of people joining the one person who drew the short straw to go get in line early.  It's kind of frustrating, but again, it's not unexpected or earth shattering "stop the world I want to get off" kind of stuff.  So the wristbands were handed out and I was #297 and Emma was #300.

     We wasted a little bit of time, a quick stop at Quiznos on the corner, and my wife and son joined us in Portland (we live South about 45 minutes).  We went to Blue Star Donuts and were able to get in on the last three platters of donuts of the day.  bliss.
Alex hides under the counter at BlueStarDonuts

We visited The Fanladen and headed back to Jelly, where Emma and I sat for a little bit with my wife and son, who were able to get into line at the front of one of the main gates.

    At 2:00 the wristband line was supposed to form again, but there wasn't hardly a line at all.

    At 2:15 the line had begun to form.

This year, there are markers on the posts that indicate what number of wristband should be at what approximate area in the line (they may have been there last year, but I remember a different system, that worked better... more on that to come).  These markers are up in the air and are wrapped around fixed posts.
     We walked toward the 300 marker, but discovered that people with 700 wristbands were standing near it. People that were seated 20 yards behind us in line in the morning, that had wristbands in the 400's were standing near the edge of the building where tents had been from the night before.  There was no enforcement or good will regarding wristband order that was worth a shit.  People that I recognized as long time season ticket holders jumped about 200 spaces in line, and joked about it saying nothing could get them to move.  Some drunk 20 somethings pushed their way in front of my little girl, their wristbands being about 40 behind us.  I don't really stress too much about the 20-30 range regarding tickets, and I wasn't concerned about these guys, but then 10 of their buddies joined them.  Then... a guy that was a little older than me, who was there with his wife and a daughter that was younger than mine, almost fought some of the youngsters that had pushed in front of us.  It was a little bit crazy.
     The problem is there is no enforcement of the number system once everybody returns to line.  From what I remember last year, the 100's (200, 300, etc) were given signs to hold indicating what number they were.  This made it easy for somebody when comparing numbers, to say "you're back there, behind the 300 sign"... it allowed drunk bastards to save face, and help to keep things not so confrontational.  I'd like to see every 50th person with one of those signs, I think it'd make for a more respectable line, keep confrontations down, and help to make sure that people who showed up early, waited in the cold, got their wristbands, spent time downtown, and got back in line when they were supposed to don't get pushed back by inconsiderate jackwagons who don't care.  We're all one big happy family, and there are plenty of seats (as was pointed out by the kids in front of us when they were nearly fighting the old guy), but disrespect and disorder are what they are.
     I understand that the front office took over the organization of the wristband process, but if any of you are able to contact them and relay my request, or if you have a better solution... would you please pass it forward?
     The wristband solution allows a little bit of freedom to roam around and keeps the build-up to the match from getting too far out of hand, but it still can get better.  I think the numbered stick can do the trick.

Whether the wristband line ever comes to order or not, we'll still be there, just for the experience.  We wouldn't be anywhere else.

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

The RCTID family 2-stick project

     I admit it.  I live vicariously through my kids… or at least use them as an excuse to do the things that I want to do my damn self.  From mohawking my son’s hair and spraying both of my kids’ hairdos a nice green ala Sally’s Beauty Supply, to getting them some scarf on log time as Little Joeys.  It was a simple conclusion to reach that with a little motivation due to some corporate greed, we would be making two-sticks together before you knew it.

     I discussed the situation with mom and the kids.  We talked about right and wrong, the money side of MLS versus the fun and games, the difference between MLS club and supporters group, and we talked about the TA and 107ist.  We talked about what we could do to show our support for the Timbers players, Timbers Army, and for Cascadia. 

     At just about that time, I saw a post on twitter that was from @JNyen:

 “Please enjoy a primer from @disfictional on how to make two-sticks.  Thanks”

We had a plan. 

      But then… an announcement was made a short few days later that a positive meeting was had between the supporters groups and MLS officials.  The “positive” part was written by supporters group representatives, so I had to take it into account.  What if the kids spent all this time working on “Stop Thief” signs and “Hands Off” messages, but it was somehow all resolved by March 3rd, and come opening day, the whole concept of the signs they worked so hard on were a moot point?  Emma is 10 and would get the idea, but Alex, at six, wouldn’t.  We’d definitely be the people at the game holding signs up for something that was outdated and already resolved.  So I had the kids draw ideas that had nothing to do with #GrandTheftCascadia, but rather just supported our team.  The team that we love.  We had already come up with some “STOP THIEF” type ideas, but now they made some that we would definitely be able to use.

After drawing out the ideas (some drawn by them, some of THEIR ideas drawn by me), we commandeered a card table from the garage and taped the “canvas” down.  Oh wait.. I didn’t explain about the fabric used and how we happened to have so much?

      Let’s just say there was a Sumo Wrestler in our family that went to an adults only Halloween party last October.  Let’s also say that this Sumo Wrestler was me.  The Mawashi, or the diaper looking thing that is worn, is fabric that is about 20 inches wide and about 9 yards long.  I had 40 inch wide cloth folded in half, and 9 yards of that stuff.  White.  Yes I washed it.  Twice.

     We followed the directions forwarded to us by @JNyen and created by @disfictional and made the appropriate pieces.  I folded the edges over to create the pockets/sleeves for the handles to go into and worked my sewing machine magic.  No stitches in me, no stitches in kids’ fingers or lips.  All was good.

     So after taping down the first piece of fabric to work on, it was Emma’s turn first.  We lightly drew her drawing onto the fabric with a pencil, then traced it with a black marker.  Using a couple of different styles of paint that were found in discount areas, she painted her first (OUR first) two-stick.  It was AWESOME and she was so proud.

     Alex’s was next.  He’s a little guy, and I know that he will want to hold his own sign up during the match (I’m apologizing now), so his sign is a little bit more narrow than hers is.  Alex drew an OUTSTANDING ambulance.  He wrote the number 17 on the jersey of the guy he drew on the stretcher, colored it a puke green/blue, and wrote the words “NO MEANS NO!” on his drawing.  I teared up a little.  It was beautiful.

But alas, Freddy “nomeansno” Montero ran away to South or Central America somewhere where roofies are cheap, and we are here making this sign.  I explained to Alex that he was gone, so maybe we should change the words.  He did so, and said that he was happy that the girls in Cascadia are now a little bit safer without Freddy Montero here to be mean to them.  I love my son.

     So we have our two-sticks and our family project is almost complete.  Oftentimes, when the kids are with us, we’ll stand in 208 somewhere and sing our hearts out, and other times, we’ll take them with us down into 107 somewhere between about C and H.  Look for us down there in the first few games.  We’ll be easy to spot, waving our family projects in the air, showing our support for the team that we love.

Give a follow to @JNyen and @disfictional for me.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Vancouver Away

    On this coming Saturday, after a morning watching my daughter play in her U10 soccer game, and coaching my son's U7 team, my wife and I will jump into the car and begin our trip to Vancouver, British Columbia.  No kids,  no plans (other than supporting our Timbers as they win the Cascadia Cup), and no worries... unless you are one to worry about what things may keep you from getting across the Canadian border.  I've heard of crazy things.  That curfew violation from when I was 17 (the gun wasn't in MY hands mr. Mounty sir), the Minor in Possession of Alcohol charge when I was 18 (received while camping, of all things - thank you very much Jenny Rubish for telling the police where you were headed when you were caught on the way there), the underground porn (I watched and/or starred in), the impure thoughts I've had (see previous underground porn reference) and still have occassionally (pronounced "hourly"), or the way that I sometimes call Little People.... "midgets".  Any number of wierd things can keep you out of Canada, but reeeeaaaalllly.... it's not like I'm going to attack Canada or try to take it over.  No "Occupy Canada" here... They have nothing I want.  I don't understand why they would be scared, except they are, after all, halfway French.  Being gun-shy may just be in their blood.
     I must apologize to all of the other Timbers fans, my TA brethern, for I may be at fault for our loss in Shittle.  You see... I wasn't able to make it to the game.  I often refer to the Timbers as MY team, and they must've gotten the memo, because with a couple of own goals (bull SHIT if I give that one to the rapist - #nomeansno) the team, knowing that my wife and I were travelling to watch #Vancouveraway (without the kids), made sure that I could be present when we won the Cascadia Cup.  They WANT me to be able to help celebrate the victory in a foreign country.  I'm sorry fellas... but I will accept the responsibility for the Shittle loss.  I refuse to believe that the loss was an accident, but rather was fate.  It was my team making sure that I could be present to bask in the glory when we win it this year.  People that scoff or grumble that I dare to use the word "glory" when talking about winning the cup in a season like 2012... shut up.  This is my little world, and I can pay attention to, forget about, or ignore whatever the hell I want to.  Positive vibes people.  Til I die.
     We'll make it in time on Saturday to see some live bands singing some TA music, and we'll sing along with them as loud as we can.  What?  Carry a tune you ask?  no.  But we'll sing loud and proud damnit.  Why?  Because we're gonna win the league (next year)!  After we win on Sunday, there will be the costume party to attend.  If you only knew.  So with my wee little frame, at costume parties, I have been a chipendale dancer (the Chris Farley version - look it up if you don't know it), a nacho libre wrestler (El Hematoma), and Alan from the Hangover (in his t-shirt and jockstrap).  So for Vancouveraway... what to wear, what to wear.  It may be cold (no ladies, not a PRE-excuse... just sayin').  Somebody has suggested Queens and Kings of Cascadia... I'm not sure yet... but I will have to figure something out.  It IS a foreign country after all, I should make it good.  Will Canadians (or my beloved CASCADIANS for that matter) be too offended if I went as a dark cloud and dropped Acid Rain?  Would I offend my brothers if I went as an ELF (member), or ALF?  Would I be the recipient of secret handshakes all night long if I did... and "special" brownies and cookies?  I don't know... but I'll have to figure out something good.
     I fully intend to make this one of the best times in my wife's and my lives,  and I hope that some of my rowdy friends are down to help me make it so.  I'll see you all in Vancouver... Rose City Til I Die!!

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Touching Base

     Well... It has been a really long time.  I want to fix that.  This is just one of those times when I write just for writing's sake, just to get myself going again. 
     I had several more blog posts but I lost them in the divorce.  Even though I ended up not getting divorced after all... I still lost the blog posts.  I don't think it's actually a terrible thing that they're gone, maybe good for my job (and marriage) for them not to be available anymore... but I kinda miss them a little... I think they were good.  There was one about the time my wife was pregnant and I was caught masturbating... the time I was thinking about going to work while I was still probably .10 BAC from the night before... the one about my friend's garage bar that we nicknamed "Frenchy's" (probably the same story as the thinking about going to work while probably still at a .10).
    My job is going really well right now... best gig ever, helping out the supersleuths at another agency...  My kids are in the middle of their fall soccer seasons.  We're loving the hell out of our season tickets for the Timbers, we don't even care about their win/loss record (RCTID!!), and even made it to the San Jose away game as a family.  Joselyn and I are going alone to the upcoming game in Vancouver B.C. ("Our house... in the middle of BC"), so I have one more place to share the experience that is "the kindergardner" (save for another blog).  Pay it forward fellas, pay it forward.  I've been officiating soccer again this year, feeling pretty good while doing so.  Playing another indoor soccer session again starting Sunday (started LAST Sunday, but c'mon... Timbers vs Flounders in Seattle was on TV... what was I supposed to do?).
     I intend for this to be a place for me to share stories, and not just this "journal" or "catching up" stuff... but I just had to get something written down to break the ice.  I promise to get a story put together soon.

Saturday, March 31, 2012

Almost up to date

So the posts I've already put on here today were all older posts, some of them from a few years ago.  I suppose they may be in backward order?  whateva...  Now to actually get on with the rest of my day...

When I root I root for the Timbers!!